Everyone knows that if you’re trying to get better with women you must never compliment them. It’s giving away all your power! It takes away all the challenge and puts her in a place of higher social value than you! You might as well get on your knees and beg her to let you kiss her feet!

Well, I call shenanigans.

Compliments can serve a number of purposes in seduction; none of them have to do with giving away your power if you’re approaching the compliment from the right state of mind.

But first, lets take a look at why compliments are viewed as the devil.

Lets say you see some blonde Barbie doll smoke show at the end of the bar. You walk up feeling nervous but fuck showing nervousness, that’s not what a true player does.  Instead you overshadow the anxiety with an overcompensating confidence because, you know, chicks dig it when you’re confident.

Step after step you finally get in front of her and with a grin you say to her, “Wow, baby you’re so hot we should get to know each other.”

And she turns around and laughs with her friends leaving you looking like a dick.

Situation number two. You’re talking to a girl, things are going alright but not great. She’s looking off in the distance yet still holding a reasonable conversation with you- you’ve got to amp this up. Maybe if she knows that you like her she’ll warm up and maybe even go home with you!

“Wow, you have beautiful eyes.”

And as beautiful as they are, they roll to the sky along with a half hearted, “Oh, thank you.” As quickly as you thought she would fall in love, she ruled you out and the distance between you continues to grow.

Both of these situations are dramatically different than each other but share one thing in common: the guy in each situation is trying to use the compliment as a way to win affection.

When using a compliment as a method to earn attraction, you’re demonstrating that you are not actually attractive, or even capable of attracting women. Your compliment acts as a façade in an attempt to mask an insincere foundation.

But here’s the thing, compliments are actually a great tool if used properly. There is an incredible amount of power that can be associated with telling a person exactly what you like about them.

Compliments were never supposed to be spoken out of insecurity or wanting but rather just as a commentary. It’s not supposed to surface in the form of gushing but rather just as a factual statement of what you like about her.

When you comment on things you are, knowingly or not, doing so from a position of power. You never hear “I like this” or “I don’t like that” from those who believe they have no power to speak their mind. When you feel able to actually speak your mind through statements of appreciation you are essentially hoisting yourself above the interaction to a place of critical influence.

Complimenting a woman who is attracted to you has the additional effect of priming her to do more of that thing. For example, “you are so much fun, I love it”, will make a girl act in a more fun loving way.

Lastly, and most importantly, compliments make people feel good. If people feel good around you then they will want to be around you. It’s really that simple.

So let’s talk about the elements of a showstopper compliment.

A compliment should be spontaneous. The more you think about what you’re going to say the more nervousness will creep into your words and the more you’ll be seen as trying too hard.

A compliment should be specific and situational. When you integrate specificity and details into your compliments you change them from generic lines into something that may truly make a girl blush. The last thing you want is to be the latest in the line of guys who have already said the exact same thing. Instead of telling her that her eyes are pretty, explain why you find them pretty using emotional words to back the context and create justification.

A compliment should be delivered with steady tone- you must be wary of your tonality when giving a compliment. It should be done in a levelheaded critical demeanor rather than one of fawning over someone. People love fine appreciators, connoisseurs, not fans. Gushing is never attractive.

Also, compliments are more powerful when you’re complimenting something other than the physical. Every guy tells a girl how beautiful she looks. Telling her how beautiful her personality is means that not only are you making the effort to see her in the way she wants to be seen but also that you appreciate things beyond her aesthetics and skills with a makeup brush.

Compliments should be reserved for that which is special and should be used as a reward rather than bait. If you rely on compliments, shoot ‘em off every other sentence and use them to comment on the mundane rather than the intriguing then you are destroying any value that a compliment ever had. People value things that come scarcely. Understand this and reduce the amount of compliments you give by enforcing a strict reward only basis for delivering compliments. Meaning, if the girl in front of you impresses you, reward her with a compliment.

Finally, a true compliment comes from within. The more you hesitate or try to force things, the less authentic and effective a compliment will be. If you don’t mean it then don’t say it. Simultaneously if you feel like you want to say something don’t restrain yourself. It’ll be yet another missed opportunity.

Stumble it!